Posted on13 February, 2019 | 23:38

LOVE BY VALENTINE’S: Lessons on finding love online

People are busy and there is hardly time to socialise at clubs and other public spaces; online platforms are as good a mingling forum as any other social space.

One month ago, I embarked on a journey to find love by Valentine’s Day.

You see, I have never celebrated this day romantically. From childhood all through my teens, my parents dominated this love event.

Mom would make heart-shaped pancakes and dad would sometimes get chocolates for all of us.

Progressing into adulthood, I began noticing a peculiar pattern. February 14 either found me single or in the very early stages of a relationship where nothing had been defined yet.

On New Year’s Eve, I made a resolution to break this pattern and actively seek out love.

I needed to quit hoping for the day when the man of my dreams would knock on my door and I would swing it open, adjust the night-time headscarf on my head then jump into the arms of my soul mate.

Last week I mentioned that I had met a special person. I can confidently say that my pursuit for love has been mildly successful.

Although we are yet to go on a date, getting to know him has rejuvenated my faith in love and romance.

The tingling feeling in my spine when he calls and the butterflies in my belly when I wake up to his “Good morning sunshine” texts that come laden with heart emojis make me realise that indeed love is always out there waiting for us to find it.

I also promised to have an expert address some of the issues I have encountered on my search for love.

Here is what Maurice Matheka, and expert in matters of the heart and columnist with Saturday Magazine , had to say:

Do you think it is possible for one to find love on a dating app such as Tinder?

Yes and No. But first of all, I am inclined to talk about finding compatibility as opposed to love because the term love covers such a wide spectrum; it means different things to different people.

Compatibility on the other hand is more of finding that person with whom you connect and growing that connection to see what it leads to.

Finding a companion will depend on the perception you create online starting from the photos you have on your profile and the kind of information you put out there.

You see, most men who sign-up for dating sites are instinctively seek some cheap thrill.

If your profile is filled with slutty photos that portray you as a party girl who wants nothing but wild fun, then that is what you will get because there is no shortage of predators on these sites.

However, if companionship and a deep connection is what you wish to get then you must set up your profile in a certain way.

Have elegant photos that show that there is more to you than just the superficial. Be deliberate in choosing recent and presentable photos that show your personality for instance, a warm smile.

The optics are very important and should flatter you as opposed to distracting attention from you. Imagine uploading a picture of you in a promotional t-shirt for Dawa ya Mende or with chicken running around in the background?

One can easily miss your face and be engrossed in all these other sideshows. That is how you fail to make that connection.

Besides photo, how else can one make their profile attractive?

Be keen on the profile information often tagged us ‘About you.’ Unfortunately, some people are in the habit of interpreting this to mean their hobbies which in most cases are activities they hardly engage in.

You will find someone saying they have an interest in swimming but the last time they swam was 15 years ago.





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